In a small Ame­ri­can town, a band of squir­rels had beco­me quite a problem.

The Pres­by­te­ri­an church cal­led a mee­ting to deci­de what to do about their squir­rel infe­sta­ti­on. After much pray­er and con­side­ra­ti­on, they con­clu­ded that the squir­rels were pre­de­sti­ned to be the­re, and they shouldn't inter­fe­re with God's divi­ne will.

At the Bap­tist church the squir­rels had taken an inte­rest in the bap­ti­stery. The dea­cons met and deci­ded to put a water-slide on the bap­ti­stery and let the squir­rels drown them­sel­ves. The squir­rels lik­ed the slide and unfort­u­n­a­te­ly, knew instinc­tively how to swim, so twice as many squir­rels show­ed up the fol­lo­wing week.

The Luther­an church deci­ded that they were not in a posi­ti­on to harm any of God's crea­tures. So, they huma­nely trap­ped their squir­rels and set them free near the Bap­tist church. Two weeks later the squir­rels were back when the Bap­tists took down the water-slide.

The Epis­co­pa­li­ans tried a much more uni­que path by set­ting out pans of whis­key around their church in an effort to kill the squir­rels with alco­hol poi­so­ning. They sad­ly lear­ned how much dama­ge a band of drunk squir­rels can do.

But the Catho­lic church came up with a very crea­ti­ve stra­tegy. They bap­ti­zed all the squir­rels and made them mem­bers of the church. Now they only see them at Christ­mas and Easter.

And not much was heard from the Jewish syn­ago­gue. They took the first squir­rel and cir­cumcis­ed him. They haven't seen a squir­rel since.

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