New Evidence Indicates Intelligence Is Not Contagious

New Evi­dence Indi­ca­tes Intel­li­gence Not Contagious 
By Andy Borowitz
March 26, 2020

Dr. Antho­ny Fau­ci speaks as U.S. Pre­si­dent Donald Trump looks on.
[pic­tu­re: screenshot]

WASHINGTON (The Boro­witz Report)

New evi­dence unco­ver­ed over the past seve­ral weeks indi­ca­tes that intel­li­gence is not con­ta­gious, a stu­dy by the Cen­ters for Dise­a­se Con­trol reports.

In a con­trol­led expe­ri­ment docu­men­ted by the stu­dy, a seven­ty-nine-year-old man with intel­li­gence was pla­ced in clo­se pro­xi­mi­ty to a seven­ty-three-year-old man wit­hout it for a peri­od of seve­ral weeks to see if even a trace of his know­ledge and exper­ti­se could be transmitted.

After weeks of near-con­stant expo­sure, howe­ver, the seven­ty-three-year-old man appeared “a hundred per cent asym­pto­ma­tic” of intel­li­gence, the rese­ar­chers found.

“In terms of facts, data, and wis­dom, the­re was zero com­mu­ni­ty spread,” the report stated.

The rese­ar­chers, howe­ver, left open the pos­si­bi­li­ty that intel­li­gence might be trans­mis­si­ble to other peo­p­le, just not to the seven­ty-three-year-old who was the sub­ject of the experiment.

“The­re is evi­dence to sug­gest that this sub­ject has deve­lo­ped a super-immu­ni­ty to intel­li­gence, making it impos­si­ble for even rudi­men­ta­ry infor­ma­ti­on to per­me­a­te his extra­or­di­na­ri­ly thick cra­ni­um,” the stu­dy indicated.