Zwiegespräch - Dialogue

P: pilot on aircraft's performance
S: main­ten­an­ce engineer's ans­wer to pilots remarks ....


> P: Left insi­de main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost repla­ced left insi­de main tire.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not instal­led on this aircraft.
>
> P: Some­thing loo­se in the cockpit.
> S: Some­thing tigh­ten­ed in the cockpit.
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on backorder.
>
> P: Auto­pi­lot in alti­tu­de-hold mode pro­du­ces a 200 feet per minu­te descent.
> S: Can­not repro­du­ce pro­blem on ground.
>
> P: Evi­dence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
> S: Evi­dence removed.
>
> P: DME volu­me unbe­lie­v­a­b­ly loud.
> S: DME volu­me reset to a more belie­va­ble level.
>
> P: Fric­tion locks cau­se thrott­le levers to stick.
> S: That's what fric­tion locks are for.
>
> P: IFF inope­ra­ti­ve in OFF mode.
> S: IFF always inope­ra­ti­ve in OFF mode.
>
> P: Suspec­ted crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
> P: The num­ber 3 engi­ne is missing.
> S: Engi­ne found on right wing after a brief search.
>
> P: Air­craft hand­les funny.
> S: Air­craft war­ned to straigh­ten up, fly right and be serious.
>
> P: Tar­get radar hums.
> S: Repro­grammed tar­get radar with lyrics.
>
> P: Mou­se in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
>
> P: Noi­se coming from under the instru­ment panel. Sounds like a mid­get poun­ding on some­thing with a hammer.
> S: Took ham­mer away from the midget.


Ori­gi­nal text from QUANTAS Airline
- the air­line that up to now never had an accident ....

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