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The dis­hes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and con­tain your food. The other dis­hes are mine and con­tain my food. Pla­cing a paw print in the midd­le of my pla­te does not mean that is sud­den­ly your food, nor do I find that aesthe­ti­cal­ly plea­sing in the slightest.

The stair­way was not desi­gned by NASCAR and is not a race­track. Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Trip­ping me doesn't help becau­se I fall faster than you can run.

I can­not buy anything big­ger than a king sized bed. I am very sor­ry about this. Do not think I will con­ti­nue slee­ping on the couch to ensu­re your com­fort. Dogs and cats can actual­ly curl up in a ball when they sleep.

It is not necessa­ry to sleep per­pen­di­cu­lar to each other, stret­ched out to the ful­lest extent pos­si­ble. I also know that sticking tails strai­ght out and having tongues han­ging out on the other end to maxi­mi­ze space that you are taking up, is not­hing but sarcasm.

For the last time, the­re is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some mira­cle, I beat you the­re and mana­ge to get the door shut, it is not necessa­ry to claw, whi­ne, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I ente­red. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline atten­dance is not required.

The pro­per order for kis­sing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. Licking your own butt befo­re kis­sing me, is not required......I can­not stress this enough.

[Thanks John J., WA, for sen­ding this; I use an abbre­via­ted ver­si­on here.]