Kategorie: Cartoon & mehr

• In a Podiatrist's office:
  "Time wounds all heels."
• On a Plumber's truck:
  "We repair what your hus­band fixed."
• Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
  "Dr. Jones, at your cer­vix."
• On a Church's Bill­board:
  "7 days wit­hout God makes one weak."
• On an Electrician's truck:
  "Let us remo­ve your shorts."
• In a Nons­mo­king Area:
  "If we see smo­ke, we will assu­me you are on fire and take appro­pria­te action."
• On a Mater­ni­ty Room door:
  "Push. Push. Push."
• At a Car Dea­ler­ship:
  "The best way to get back on your feet
  - Miss a car payment."
• At the Elec­tric Com­pa­ny:
  "We would be deligh­ted if you send in your payment. Howe­ver, if you don't, you will be."
• Out­side a Muff­ler Shop:
  "No appoint­ment necessary
  We hear you coming."
• At an Optometrist's Office:
  "If you don't see what you're loo­king for,
  You've come to the right place."
• At a Pro­pa­ne Fil­ling Sta­ti­on:
  "Thank hea­ven for litt­le grills."
• In the front yard of a Fun­e­ral Home:
  "Dri­ve careful­ly. We'll wait."

[ 3.102 / swe ] 

---

---

[Quel­le] / [Inspi­riert von Hexa]

ein Car­toon - Spitze ...! 

[Quel­le]
[lwp]

sind Wit­ze von Frau­en über Männer ....
Die ande­re Sor­te Wit­ze nennt man "anzüg­lich"
- sonst lacht kein 'Mann' kaum ein Mann darüber ....

Per Zufall bin ich auf eine Sei­te von BRIGITTE (Frau­en­zeit­schrift) gesto­ßen, auf der "Män­ner­wit­ze" zu fin­den sind, über die auch Män­ner lachen kön­nen, lachen kön­nen soll­ten .... hier drei davon:

---

1. Am besten sucht Frau sich einen Mann mit Piercing:
   Er kann Schmer­zen ertra­gen und hat schon mal Schmuck gekauft.
2. Drei Frau­en auf dem Golf­platz und sehen einen nack­ten Mann auf dem Rasen lie­gen, über sei­nem Gesicht eine Zei­tung. Sagt die Erste: "Mein Mann ist es nicht". Sagt die Zwei­te: "Stimmt." Sagt die Drit­te: "Es ist über­haupt kei­ner aus dem Club..." 
3. Unter­hal­ten sich zwei Freun­din­nen: "War­um soll ich eigent­lich auf den Rich­ti­gen war­ten? Bis­her hat­te ich immer eine Men­ge Spaß mit den Falschen."

---

Unser Hund zeigt son­der­ba­re Ver(-haltens-)änderungen:
Sie ist mor­gens bereits um 05:00h auf und will 'raus ....
Sie säuft das Was­ser aus Porzellanschälchen ....

Und ich glau­be zu erkennen,
daß ihre Augen irgend­wie schlitz­för­mi­ger gewor­den sind ....

A brand new store has just ope­ned in New York City that sells Hus­bands. When women go to choo­se a hus­band at the New Hus­band store, they have to fol­low the ins­truc­tions at the entrance:

• "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!" The­re are 6 flo­ors and the value of the pro­ducts increa­se as you ascend the flights. You may choo­se any item from a par­ti­cu­lar flo­or, or may choo­se to go up to the next flo­or, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the buil­ding! So, a woman goes to the Hus­band Store to find a husband. 
  On the 1^st flo­or the sign on the door reads:
  1. Flo­or 1
     - The­se men have jobs. 

  The 2^nd flo­or sign reads:

  2. Flo­or 2
     - The­se men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 

  The 3^rd flo­or sign reads:

  3. Flo­or 3
     - The­se men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extre­me­ly good looking. 

  "Wow," she thinks, but feels com­pel­led to keep going.

  She goes to the 4^th flo­or and the sign reads:

  4. Flo­or 4
     - The­se men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Loo­king and Help with Housework. 

  "Oh, mer­cy me!" she exclaims, "I can hard­ly stand it!"

  Still, she goes to the 5^th flo­or and sign reads:

  5. Flo­or 5
     - The­se men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gor­ge­ous, help with Hou­se­work and Have A Strong Roman­tic Streak. 

  She is so tempt­ed to stay, but she goes to the 6^th flo­or and the sign reads:

  6. Flo­or 6
     - You are visi­tor 31,456,012 to this flo­or. The­re are no men on this flo­or. This flo­or exists sole­ly as pro­of that women are impos­si­ble to plea­se. Thank you for shop­ping at the Hus­band Store . 
• To avo­id gen­der bias char­ges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street. A sign at the ent­rance reads:
  "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!" The­re are 6 flo­ors and the value of the pro­ducts increa­se as you ascend the flights. You may choo­se any item from a par­ti­cu­lar flo­or, or may choo­se to go up to the next flo­or, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!
  1. The 1^st flo­or has wives that love sex. 
  2. The 2^nd flo­or has wives that love sex and have money.
  3. The 3^rd through 6^th flo­ors have never been visited ... 

* edit *
Bit­te als das neh­men was es ist:
Ein Witz!

A Doc­tor was addres­sing a lar­ge audi­ence in Tampa.

"The mate­ri­al we put into our sto­machs is enough to have kil­led most of us sit­ting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks cor­ro­de your sto­mach lining. Chi­ne­se food is loa­ded with MSG. High fat diets can be dis­astrous, and none of us rea­li­zes the long-term harm cau­sed by the germs in our drin­king water. But the­re is one thing that is the most dan­ge­rous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyo­ne here tell me what food it is that cau­ses the most grief and suf­fe­ring for years after eating it?" 

After seve­ral seconds of quiet,
a 75-year-old man in the front row rai­sed his hand,
and soft­ly said,

"Wed­ding Cake."

* edit *
Bit­te als das neh­men was es ist:
Ein Witz!

ist es, den Maus­pfeil über den Bild­schirm zu bewegen ....

Ein Bei­spiel für U.S.-Witze ....

Choo­sing a wife

A man wan­ted to get mar­ried. He was having trou­ble choo­sing among three likely can­di­da­tes. He gives each woman a pre­sent of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fan­cy beau­ty salon, gets her hair done, new make-up and buys seve­ral new out­fits, and dres­ses up very nice­ly for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attrac­ti­ve for him becau­se she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shop­ping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new giz­mos for his com­pu­ter, and some expen­si­ve clo­thes. As she pres­ents the­se gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him becau­se she loves him so much.

Again , the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock mar­ket. She ear­ns seve­ral times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the rema­in­der in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future becau­se she loves him so much.

Obvious­ly, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he mar­ried the one with the big­gest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.

The­re is more money being spent on breast implants and Via­gra in the U.S.A. today than on Alzheimer's rese­arch. This means that by 2040, the­re should be a lar­ge elder­ly popu­la­ti­on with per­ky boobs and huge erec­tions and abso­lut­e­ly no recoll­ec­tion of what to do with them.

Schau­en Sie mal nach der Zif­fer 40 der Rei­se­an­wei­sung von Goog­le - Rei­se von Ber­lin, D nach New York, U.S.A. ....

"Click!" zum Vergrößern ....

der Sprü­che auf U.S.-Autoaufklebern ....  

• We Need a President
  Who's Flu­ent In At Least One Language 



• When Bush Took Office,
  Gas Was $1.46 per Gallon



• We're Making Enemies Faster
  Than We Can Kill Them 



• Bush. Like a Rock.
  Only Dumber. 



• If You Want a Nati­on Ruled By Religion,
  Move to Iraq 



• Let's Fix Democracy
  in This Coun­try First 



• What Part of "Bush Lied"
  Don't You Understand? 



• Ame­ri­ca: One Nation,
  Under Surveillance 

"click!" auf das Bild genugt ....

---

 
 

---

(Datei nicht mehr verfügbar).
Sie­he stattdessen → 

noch'n gedicht ....

• wand­lung
• frö­sche
• hasen
• hir­sche