(Word) Perfect

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This is a true sto­ry from the Word­Per­fect Hel­pli­ne, which was tran­scri­bed from a recor­ding moni­to­ring the cus­to­mer care depart­ment. Need­less to say the Help Desk employee was fired; howe­ver, he/she is curr­ent­ly suing the Word­Per­fect orga­nizati­on for 'Ter­mi­na­ti­on wit­hout Cause.'
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Actu­al dia­lo­gue of a for­mer Word­Per­fect Cus­to­mer Sup­port employee.
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Ope­ra­tor: 'Ridge Hall, com­pu­ter assi­stance; may I help you?'
Cal­ler: 'Yes, well, I'm having trou­ble with WordPerfect ..'
Ope­ra­tor: 'What sort of trouble?'
Cal­ler: 'Well, I was just typ­ing along, and all of a sud­den the words went away.'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Went away?'
Cal­ler: 'They disappeared'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Cal­ler: 'Not­hing.'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Not­hing??'
Cal­ler: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Are you still in Word­Per­fect, or did you get out?'
Cal­ler: 'How do I tell?'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Cal­ler: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Never mind, can you move your cur­sor around the screen?'
Cal­ler: 'The­re isn't any cur­sor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Does your moni­tor have a power indicator?'
Cal­ler: 'What's a monitor?'
Ope­ra­tor: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a litt­le light that tells you when it's on?'
Cal­ler: 'I don't know.'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Well, then look on the back of the moni­tor and find whe­re the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Cal­ler: 'Yes, I think so.'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Gre­at. Fol­low the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plug­ged into the wall..
Cal­ler: 'Yes, it is.'
Ope­ra­tor: 'When you were behind the moni­tor, did you noti­ce that the­re were two cables plug­ged into the back of it, not just one? '
Cal­ler: 'No.'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Well, the­re are. I need you to look back the­re again and find the other cable.'
Cal­ler: 'Okay, here it is.'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Fol­low it for me, and tell me if it's plug­ged secu­re­ly into the back of your computer..'
Cal­ler: 'I can't reach.'
Ope­ra­tor: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Cal­ler: 'No...'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Even if you may­be put your knee on some­thing and lean way over?'
Cal­ler: 'Well, it's not becau­se I don't have the right ang­le -- it's becau­se it's dark.'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Dark?'
Cal­ler: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Cal­ler: 'I can't..'
Ope­ra­tor: 'No? Why not?'
Cal­ler: 'Becau­se there's a power failure.'
Ope­ra­tor: 'A power .... A power fail­ure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manu­als and pack­ing stuff that your com­pu­ter came in?'
Cal­ler: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Cal­ler: 'Real­ly? Is it that bad?'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Cal­ler: 'Well, all right then, I sup­po­se. What do I tell them?'
Ope­ra­tor: 'Tell them you're too dam­ned stu­pid to own a computer!'