P: pilot on aircraft's performance
S: maintenance engineer's answer to pilots remarks ....
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in the cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on backorder.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what friction locks are for.
>
> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
> P: The number 3 engine is missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
>
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
>
> P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from the midget.
Original text from QUANTAS Airline
- the airline that up to now never had an accident ....
